AL MVP: Eric Chavez, Athletics

Chavy follows his monster 2001 second half (.340, 21 homers, 68 RBIs after the All-Star break) and puts forth another Gold Glove defensive performance that not only garners him his first MVP, it cements him as the best third baseman in baseball–even if Chipper Jones were still manning third for the Braves.

DARK HORSE: Miguel Tejada, Oakland. Replaces Jeter in the triad.

NL MVP: Todd Helton, Rockies

If Helton avoids a slump period, he hits .400. Say all you want about Coors Field, Ted Williams got to bat in hitter-friendly Fenway when he hit .406 in 1941. Even Bud Selig wouldn’t be stupid enough to suggest an asterisk. If he doesn’t hit .400 (and we think he will), he still hits .380 with 50 home runs and 160 RBI.

DARK HORSE: Tino Martinez, Cardinals. And Steinbrenner blows a gasket.

AL CY YOUNG: Tim Hudson, Athletics

No...it’s going to be Mark Mulder. No...we like Barry Zito. No...our surprise pick is Corey Lidle. No, we’re sticking with Tim Hudson. Wait, maybe Mulder. No, it’s going to be Zito. No, definitely Hudson. Unless of course Pedro returns to being Pedro. If that’s the case we like Pedro. No...we still like Hudson...I mean Mulder...I mean Zito....

DARK HORSE: Mulder. No, Zito. Wait, Hudson. No, Lidle. Wait, Erik Hiljus.

NL CY YOUNG: Randy Johnson, Diamondbacks

Randy Johnson has added a splitter. Randy Johnson has added a splitter. Randy Johnson has added a splitter. Batters may now leave their bats in the dugout.

DARK HORSE: Kerry Wood. Remeber how good he used to be. He’s still only 25.

AL BIGGEST DUD: Jason Giambi, Yankees

Discovers he has to pretend to actually like New Yorkers, this California free-spirit goes into a massive depression and is heard mumbling "Steinbrenner has dog balls" while limping off the field with yet another strained hamstring. Other than at the Yankee clubhouse buffet table, where does one turn in search of dog balls?

DARK HORSE: David Justice, Oakland. Didn’t he whiff 100 times in the post season last year?

NL BIGGEST DUD: Mo Vaughn, Muts.

C’mon, his real name is Maurice. Wasn’t he one of the Bee Gees? He was over-rated in Boston. He sucked in Anaheim. He was hurt. He is overweight and he has to play in front of the second most-clueless fans in the game (second only to the toasted-cheese brains found at Pac Bell Park).

2002 DIVISION WINNERS

NL EAST:	Braves (Yes, again...unless Gary Sheffield starts crying.)
NL MIDDLE:	Cardinals
NL WEST:	Diamondbacks (Once was fun, but now they look like the NL version of the Yankees trying to buy the title.)
NL WILDCARD:	Dodgers (Suddenly, without Sheffield, they don't smell so bad.)
AL LEAST:	Devil Rays (Yeah, we know this is a really stupid pick. But just think about it. If the Devil Rays do win the division, Bucketfoot will be the ONLY publication to have actually picked them! Move over Miss Cleo. Save us two seats on Letterman.)
AL MIDDLE:	White Sox (They have lots of good young pitching. They got rid of David "Big Mouth" Wells. Frank Thomas has something to prove.)
AL BEST:	Athletics (What? You thought we might pick the Angels?)
AL WILD CARD:	Rangers. (Maybe if we say something nice about his team, Tom Hicks will send us some money.)
NL CHAMPION:	Dodgers
AL CHAMPION:	Athletics
WORLD SERIES CHAMPION:	Athletics (But we would be OK with it if the Royals, Devil Rays or Padres won it all. Why not the Expos? Because Butt Selig is running them.)